I'm crying infront of the laptop right now , Imma Ham Bao , CRY is the way to let me let off something else , when I am not allow to let off by expressing out from my temper .. Because i'm alone , alone in the room , no one to talk to .
Call friends to talk ? I want to , but there are always friends call me first , i'm not the one who initiative to call someone ..

Promised him yesterday morning , I won't think much , trust him in his every single word or action .. Yea , and now , I really try my very best to trust him , I know he won't be a liar . My mind will still convince me that nothing is impossible , what he is doing outside u don't know ... I will trust yet still need abit of awareness to keep myself from hurts .

Every time when I need to suffer like worry , afraid of , lies of boyfriend
I will have a feeling comes to my mind , SINGLE really no need to suffer these things , relax enough . But ... I won't be so stubborn again to think it some more . Hmm .. because , suffer can develop our relationship , of cause not over limit suffer . If he really loves me , he won't so easy to let me go when meets obstacles .

I able to console my jimui around me about their love problems , but I fail to convince back myself , fail to do it . So I understand why there are some of them who still so stubborn even I have console them , because it is hard to do it ...

He sms me yesterday night , He wrote : I promise I'll give up my night life , stay at home at night everyday , I just don't want my laopo unhappy .. I rather give up than leaving my laopo unhappy always .
I cried when I saw the sms . But I don't know whether is it true , If i really agree and accept your promise , wants you to hold ur promise ; NO NIGHT LIFE ANYMORE
Do you really can do it as what u promise ? Or the promise u made may be just valid for a particular period ?
But at the end , I still let him continue with his night life , because I don't want to stop what he like to do .
I just want him to know what he is doing , what he is talking about when I'm not around . I don't want any lies between us . I very afraid that he will fall in love with another girl one day , as I said , I know he loves me much now , but nothing is impossible , who knows what will happen in the future ?

Whenever he is going out at night , I can't really sleep well on the whole night . Last time I won't wait him , but now wait him back home routinely is a MUST in my life , getting more care of him . These two days continuously , I sleep around 1am , but wake up at 4am ... Nothing to wake me up , automatically wake up , just because he is not in the home yet .

Every one is hovering around my ears , told me that He is a good guy , He really love me much .
I know , I witness it . But I still don't know why , I'll still think of possibilities of negative things will happen , maybe just to protect myself or as a preparation when it really happens ? Just like last time of my unawareness , I have no preparation at all , so i got hurt seriously .

Calvin ;
to conclude ,
I Love You ; I changed , to be loyal to boyfriend . Seriously put our relationship to priority . I hope you are the 7th , and the last .
I Trust You ; Anything must tell me honestly . When you have problems , treat me as your brother but not girlfriend , keng sam xi ; When I have problems , I will treat you as my jimui but not boyfriend , keng sam xi . This is what I want . I know I did wrong also , I didn't honest before . Let's start now together , always honest .

And one last thing
sorry for all
sorry for my bad tempered .